Recurring Dream

I had a dream of you last night.

Us in the dark room, blind tentacles reaching for me.

Me shrinking away

Up against the wall, no where to go

Tidal wave of fear,

“No,” you disgust me.

You don’t love me,

You know I am weak

Reaching, reaching

Muscles tighten, broken strings wound too tight

The line has been blurred

between what is love and what is sickness.

And then I remember the other room

This time it’s blue

And he and I are young

And I don’t know what to do

It goes blank, was it me? was it him?

Sometimes I recall death, and sometimes love, but always I am sick

Just like I remember you sometimes

In those days I was your ghost.